I love a good omelette; but those are not the eggs I have scrambling my brain today. It’s another doctor visit I should be leaving for in about forty-five minutes. Today is “Consult Day” at Seattle Reproductive Medicine.
How the hell did I get here? See the very first post I made, have a look at the conventional wisdom and you’ll have an idea.
We’ve tried to start a family a couple of times previously in our 17 years together but gave up quickly for a lot of those reasons. I’ve spent the last two years convincing myself that I parenthood was NOT in my future after all and I needed to shape the next 14,000 days of my life in a path that would not walk next to a child’s. I failed in that effort. Depression gripped me and I just could not struggle out of it.
The change in my mood, my HOPE, over the last two months has been dramatic. I decided that I wanted to try again, with effort and sincerity- with the expectation that it WILL happen.
Month one, it seemed clear that I didn’t ovulate. I made an appointment with an ARNP/Midwife to start evaluating options. Diagnoses like “PCOS” have been floated in my past but since we weren’t “trying” I didn’t pursue them. We have physical handicaps to over come also that were not there as young newlyweds. Now seemed like a good time to get with a doctor. I got in pretty fast– in and out! She’s a lovely health care provider- her bedside manner and care was certainly there. But in less than half an hour I was evaluated and referred to Seattle Reproductive Medicine.
- My age.
- My weight.
- Weight loss surgery history.
- Physical handicaps.
- Prior diagnosis.
These were the reasons I was sent to seek more “advanced” help to get pregnant.
I tried not to be defeated. I’m still trying not to be defeated.
We had tests ahead of our consultation today: blood work for me, trans-vaginal ultrasound for me, sperm analysis for him. We’ve already had good news in this list of check boxes to mark: my ovaries had follicles developing normally and my body had clearly ID’d one to be dominant. I’ve had a positive ovulation test in the days since. Partner (as he will be referred to generally from here on out) was able to make a “sample” to be tested and that was a big question. (How many euphemisms for sperm can I come up with?!)
I’m holding on to those check boxes of good news as the moments until my appointment time tick by.
I’m trying hard to look at this appointment at SRM as simple fact gathering and foundation for the way forward. I’m trying hard not to let my emotions get the better of me, trying hard not to let make assumptions too early, trying hard not to be fatalist rather than pragmatic.