Nature versus nurture.

I bet this idea, nature versus nurture, falls into the category of conventional wisdom as much as it does scientific observation.  It’s a real thing, a huge consideration in the course of everyday life.  How much of what makes us is genetic, how much is taught to us by the environment we live in?  The color of my eyes, the blood type I carry, the way my brain produces serotonin (or a lack of it) are all determined by the genetic smoothie my parents whirled up a few decades ago.  How I handle the anxiety that neurotransmitter affects, the methodology I use to pay my bills, saying ‘I love you.’ to end every conversation with my family, loyalty… these are all things that are (arguably) nurtured habits.

When you’re facing infertility, as a hetero couple, nature versus nurture can be an important consideration.  If you elect to use sperm that’s not your Partner’s, or an egg that’s not yours… or both…

“At what point are we just buying a kid?”


My brain is screaming that it’s NURTURE that makes a family.  NOT genetics.  It’s great to see “your nose” and great-grandma’s smile.  But it’s just as wonderful, if not more, to see the ways that child becomes simply themselves.  My speech pattern is not my mother’s or father’s… it’s a reflection of my favorite sister’s!  (Yeah, I said it!  Sorry, other sister… mom… I have a favorite.)  And, how many people in this world get sick of the bologna a blood family throws at them, only to PICK a pack of friends that evolve into family?  How many adopted children and parents easily see themselves reflected when they’re a unit or going about daily lives?

“At what point are we just buying a kid?”

I’m not crushed… not yet.  There’s still tests to be done, steps to take between “maybe baby” and “get on with the next 14,000 days of your life”.  Partner and I have a lot of talking to do; it’s probably good for us to know that I’m on the edge of a mountain, ready to fly, and he’s camping out in a valley far below.

Nature versus nurture, indeed.


One thought on “Nature versus nurture.

  1. And when people say that I just think, “if only ‘buying’ was that easy. We’ve gone through 4 rounds of DEIVF to only end up in miscarriage last week, and our Adoption agency said it’ll be at least another 2-4 years before we can take home a child. Everyone acts like it’s easy who hasn’t been through it.

    Liked by 1 person

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