Your body is a wonderland.

Yeah, my body is a wonderland alright.  I WONDER what the hell it’s doing.  I WONDER what it’s not doing.  I WONDER if it’s too late to get a refund or replacement on it. I WONDER if I will ever just effing relax!

In the realm of more than you wanted to know about a stranger, my cycle is running long.  I won’t say “my period is late” yet, because I’m acting like it should be here.  But Auntie Flo is certainly being shy about her appearance.

This causes no small amount of consternation in a woman who wants desperately to conceive.

I’m on this seesaw of emotion… evaluating every hiccup and fart for deeper meaning.  Obsessively checking the toilet paper for colors emanating from the vicinity of my vagina. (Yeah, we do that.)  And then, when I’ve let that sneaky HOPE reach my brain from the region of my heart… well that’s when PRAGMATISM roars awake and I start telling Hope to go back down because she’s stupid.

I know that if I go fork over the $20 on a home pregnancy test today, AF will appear on cue.  I don’t WANT to spend $20 on a test I don’t need… no matter how much HOPE thinks I need it.

I’ll give it today and tomorrow… if there’s still nothing to write home about, then I’ll POAS Sunday morning.

Dear God… is it wrong to say I deserve a miracle?  I know it is… but I do certainly dream of one.


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