It's been five days since our green light showed up. Give or take a few hours. My head is full and I'm walking a delicate line of unabashed HOPE and frozen fear. Angels on my shoulders, demons in my shadow. My angels are many. We have benefactors who are making this way forward a reality. … Continue reading Angels and Demons
"What a day September 22, 2017 was! The first day of fall and I didn't have any more wake-ups to face, the day of our next doctor appointment had arrived." I feel like I'm writing a novel some days. And really, this is a journey that could be a novel. I'm looking back on yesterday … Continue reading Red light means stop, green means go, yellow means go very fast.
One more wake-up. I feel like my foot has been hovering in the air, mid-step, for an eon. And this is just how it feels building up to the appointment to find out if the path we want is the path we can have. Partner and I had counseling last night. That was probably one … Continue reading And then there was… one.
The week is finally here and I'm counting wake-ups like a child looking forward to Christmas morning. I never had that tradition as a kid, Partner introduced me to the habit and I like it. Wake-ups are easy to count and on that last one, it's the big day! So, I have three more wake-ups … Continue reading Counting the wake-ups.
That's how I feel... running full, but the indicator still says empty. My days feel busy, but hollow. My body is in limbo but the thoughts are swirling in a barely-controlled mess making me feel anxious and full in the mind. I'm not a stellar housekeeper... cat fuzz and dust bunnies compete for space. Will … Continue reading Running full, on empty.
I have alluded to pieces of this in other posts, but as I'm a Lady in Waiting right now, it seems a good time to share a couple of more bits about me. You know I'm fat. You know I'm over 35. You know that patience is not my strong suit. What I don't think I've … Continue reading Pieces of me… part one.
"Waitey" isn't even a word, but I was going for a snappy title. Weight and wait. Heavy topics. Pun definitely intended. I am on a count down now... fourteen days from today we will finally have our follow up with the fertility clinic. That's lots of time to worry. A lot to worry about. Two … Continue reading Weighty matters and waitey matters.