A name can evoke a lot of feelings for people. They can bring about the energy of a loved one passed; discomfort of painful relationships; they can evoke places, times, love, hate… names are strong.
This morning, a name gave me sweet relief.
Partner asked me what I thought of a particular combination of names and he’d put a lot of thought into them. I couldn’t focus on if I really liked it or not… all I could feel was a rush in my heart- did this mean what I didn’t realize I was hoping it meant? I gathered my courage and asked, “You’re thinking of names for us… does that mean it’s on the table, that we can still try?”
Funny, he looked at me like I had ten heads… shocked that I didn’t think it was on the table. “It’s on your heart, honey. We have to try.”
I held a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. A breath I’d been telling myself I didn’t need to hold since I wasn’t sure myself if I wanted to move forward.
I’m as good at lying to myself as I feel conventional wisdom is at lying to me.
I WANT TO TRY.
I want to try. I don’t care about genetics. I don’t care about finding biological parents in a distant future. I can’t worry about failed attempts. I can’t worry about money.
I WANT TO TRY.
And Partner shared a name.
There’s a lot to talk about still… but if he’s willing to try and thinking of names, is it safe to say that some of my fears have already been addressed?
Shit… I need to lose some weight!