What’s in a name?

A name can evoke a lot of feelings for people.  They can bring about the energy of a loved one passed; discomfort of painful relationships; they can evoke places, times, love, hate… names are strong.

This morning, a name gave me sweet relief.

Partner asked me what I thought of a particular combination of names and he’d put a lot of thought into them.  I couldn’t focus on if I really liked it or not… all I could feel was a rush in my heart- did this mean what I didn’t realize I was hoping it meant?  I gathered my courage and asked, “You’re thinking of names for us… does that mean it’s on the table, that we can still try?”

Funny, he looked at me like I had ten heads… shocked that I didn’t think it was on the table.  “It’s on your heart, honey.  We have to try.”

I held a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.  A breath I’d been telling myself I didn’t need to hold since I wasn’t sure myself if I wanted to move forward.

I’m as good at lying to myself as I feel conventional wisdom is at lying to me.

I WANT TO TRY.

I want to try.  I don’t care about genetics.  I don’t care about finding biological parents in a distant future. I can’t worry about failed attempts.  I can’t worry about money.

I WANT TO TRY.

And Partner shared a name.

There’s a lot to talk about still… but if he’s willing to try and thinking of names, is it safe to say that some of my fears have already been addressed?

Shit… I need to lose some weight!

 

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