Weighty matters and waitey matters.

“Waitey” isn’t even a word, but I was going for a snappy title.  Weight and wait.  Heavy topics.  Pun definitely intended.

I am on a count down now… fourteen days from today we will finally have our follow up with the fertility clinic.  That’s lots of time to worry.  A lot to worry about.  Two days ago, when our path was still to be selected and was just divergent roads ahead that were dark and unlit, two weeks just felt like a date on the calendar.  Now that our path is in the light, a gate has materialized and I’m feeling like race horse ready to push out and run.

Wait.

Wait.

Weight.

Weight is one of my biggest worries.  I had weight loss surgery three years ago, partly in an effort to get to this point.  I lost over 200 pounds.  I gained back about thirty after I hit my lowest point, as was to be expected.   But in the stress and depression of the spring and summer, I gained another forty.  This IS a significant number, but at my size, it’s not as much as it sounds like.  However, I am not happy with it, so I need to get it under control.  Doctor had asked me to work on losing 20-30 pounds when we first met in August… I gained ten!

My fear is that with the weight gain she won’t let us proceed until I’ve dropped some… so maybe my WAIT is good for the WEIGHT.  Who am I kidding… of course it is.  So, meal replacement shakes and very low calorie meals for lunch, healthy snacks.  I need to walk or do other cardio.  I have no problem eating “right,” it’s the exercise that kills me.

I MUST do this.  I MUST regain my healthier habits and prepare my body for this Maybe Baby.  All the years of hoping and praying, all the weeks and months of tests and waiting, the expense of using a donor and artificial insemination… I OWE it to myself to get my body back in control and comfortable so that this process has the best chance possible.

Weight.

Wait.

 

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