Great expectations.

The last 14 days of my life feel as if they’ve happened to another person.  There have been lessons re-learned, grace, excitement, terror, pain, joy…  all of it.

I EXPECTED to have an IUI this month.  I did not expect to find out that I’d mucked up the schedule.

I EXPECTED to pull up my big girl panties and just keep preparing in November, move on from my mistake.  I did not expect that my coordinator would be working in the background to fix my mistakes.

I EXPECTED to have an ultrasound on Nov 13 to show us if there was (or was not) a viable follicle waiting to ovulate.  I did not expect to have not just one, but one plus another promising one.

I EXPECTED to go home and wait for ovulation hormones to show up after the ultrasound, at which time I would then call in and make the IUI appointment.  I did not expect to find my happy follicle(s) and then receive a trigger shot to push ovulation.

I EXPECTED our IUI would be on Nov 15 or 16.  I did not expect that it would be TODAY, November 14.

I EXPECTED the IUI to be easy, much as the HSG test was.  I did not expect to feel pain from the speculum bumping my cervix and having to try three times to get it in place, the intense scratchy feeling from the entry of the Groot seeds, ovaries that feel full and heavy, cramps.

I EXPECTED to be happy.  I did not expect to be so happy I cried.

I EXPECTED to welcome every twinge and effect.  I did not expect that it would all be so validating of life… even if no seed takes root, MY life is full and very active in my body and mind and heart.

None of these expectations are to be forgotten.  None of the unexpected is to be forgotten.


 

I was given a medical ID bracelet for the procedure, like you get in the hospital.  Partner was holding my hand as Groot’s contribution was being processed in the lab and we waited to be called back.  It was tender and loving and I asked him to take a picture of our hands together, including my bracelet.  I’m remembering now that we have a very similar photo from our wedding day.  I kept the bracelet when they cut it off me at check out.  This day is now part of my story, no matter what happens.

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