I wrote to you last week as if you were a fact, but right now- just yet, you’re not. All that I said about how we’re trying to make you come to life, that’s all real and happening- but today you’re still just a hope.
Hope is a powerful thing. It’s been my friend and my enemy in these years, months, weeks and days. Your Dad and I have gone through a lot to get to these days, waiting to know if you’ll be taking root this month. I thought that we were on the edge, that maybe I wanted you more than he did. I’m so happy that I hoped I was wrong and took the chance. When we drove home from the doctor’s office where we put the Woman Seeds and the Man Seeds together to try and make you, your Dad was so sweet. We cried together, our hearts full of hope. When the cars stopped suddenly, he put his arm in front of me to protect me, looked at me and smiled, “There’s precious cargo here!” It made my heart smile.
I hope that you get to live a life that is one where hope is more your friend than and thing you don’t want to see. I pray that I can overcome so many years of hurt and jealousy toward others, there was so much of those things in the years that I thought I’d never get to try and make you real. It will be my job to try and keep hope my friend so that you have a good example of happiness and are able to roll with what life gives you.
Today, I hope that you have happened, that the Seeds found each other and that you’re now turning from a zygote into a blastocyst. That your little group of cells is dividing and reading its blueprint in the DNA, on the way to making the You that will live fully in the sun. I have hope that you, Sprout, are being swept toward my uterus and that everything is ready to make you warm and comfortable for a few months.
These are the things I hope. I can’t know yet, not for days and days and days. Isn’t it funny how, with so much technology and science in our world, some things- like when a new life begins- are still secret in our bodies? I can imagine it’s God/dess/Universe’s way of helping us preserve hope… but it is frustrating because you’re so very wanted, I’d love to know this hope isn’t wasted and that I’m not just talking to myself.
But, that’s the nature of hope. It’s my friend right now, I can keep hoping for a handful of days that you’re in there and sprouting. It’ll be my job to not turn hope into the enemy if things don’t go my way, it’s not hope’s fault if you’re not meant to be this month. I must remember that hope is never wasted- that’s the secret to keep it your friend I think.
So, today, Momma is at her desk, working at normal daily life. She and Daddy are carrying a secret hope that you exist and that we’ll know soon if you’re sprouting.
Until then, little Sprout… keep your soul safe and warm where ever you are. Keep hoping with us.