Letters to the editor, part III.

Dearest Sprout…

Are you in there, little love?  The pink lines on the stick say that you are.  I’m too scared to believe yet, I think your Daddy is too.  On November 22, our order of home pregnancy tests arrived.  I hoped I could hold out and not test until November 24, but one thing you’ll learn quickly about your Momma is that she has a hard time waiting.  So, yes, I couldn’t wait- didn’t wait, and I used the first stick on the morning of November 23.  I watched that stick for long minutes but nothing happened.  I walked away and went on with my morning.  I found myself back in the bathroom a couple of hours later and dug the test out of the trash.

“Honey…”

“Honey???”

“Heaven help me, there’s a line…”

I don’t know the last time I grinned that big.

It was early though, that line that says “You’re pregnant!” showed up after I’d stopped looking and it could have still been the effect of the HCG trigger shot from November 13… not likely, but I would not get excited yet.

Thanksgiving Day dawned and another stick was sacrificed.  Yeah… it’s faint, but the line is there.  Still, early days mean we don’t get our hopes up yet.

November 25… today we used THREE tests, all of different brands and sensitivities.  All three had lines…  can I believe you’re in there now?

November 26… another test stick this morning… every day the proof comes up faster and darker.  My temperature keeps rising and staying high.

I’m reveling in the sore breasts, sudden overwhelming tiredness, the trips to the bathroom that are suddenly more often than I’ve ever dealt with before.

All these things say you’re there.  Now, please stick.  I’m hoping on Monday to have a first blood test and then another will come after that to tell us how strong you are.  Will I feel more secure in the fact of you when the doctor says you’re not my imagination any more?  I don’t know…  there’s lots that can go wrong in these early days.  But I should not give that an iota of power. For now…

For now… Sprout exists.  Sprout is taking root.  You are making a bubble of joy in my soul and I’m grateful for the experiences you’re giving me.

You are loved.

 

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